mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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