wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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