I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
