my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
