my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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