We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
