but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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