Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
