I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
