Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
