id be glad to
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
