you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
