We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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