I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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