Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
