I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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