how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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