Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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