my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
