I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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