he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
