Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
