what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
