His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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