so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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