I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think your dad took our porno
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
