i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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