I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
