so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am naked and annoyed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
