Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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