Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
