bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
