Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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