This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
