Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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