Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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