we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
