is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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