I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
