i think my mom watched the whole time
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
