I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
