I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
