Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
