I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
