remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
