i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The power of my boobs compel you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
