is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
