Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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