I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
