That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
