If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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