The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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