dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
