It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
